I snuck into a college faculty meeting; Here's what I learned goes on there

I have been moonlighting as college faculty on and and off for the past 7 years. I've mainly focused on teaching my classes and working with my students, without getting involved in the inner workings of the school. This year my role at Ithaca College expanded and I decided it was appropriate for me to get more involved. I was surprised and impressed with what I learned goes on at these (seemingly) super secret meeting. The student version of myself thought that these meetings were completely different.

When do we talk about making tests impossible and failing all the students?
Here are the topics that were not covered:

• That kid with the hair.  What's his deal?  Let's conspire to flunk him.
• Synchronicity: How can we make all homework and exams due at the same time?
• Let's compare lists of students to flunk.
• The worldwide shortage of A's.  What can we do to award fewer of them.
• Can we make classes start any earlier? How about dawn?
• How to speak in the most monotone way possible to induce sleep.
• That kid with the weird clothes.  What's up with him?  Let's definitely flunk him.
• How to make that screechy chalkboard sound.

Instead they talked about things that were actually useful to students. Including:

• College is expensive. What can we do to make it cheaper?
• Helping students find the right degree to fit their interests and strengths.
• Staying current with the needs of students.
• iPhones: How to better use the technology that students already love to teach better.
• Writing better letters of recommendations
• Improving the MBA program
• Recruiting the best students from High School and Freshman who are still classified "Undecided"
• Working with other schools across campus

Huh. Who knew?